I am about to fire my subconcious. In the last 18 hours, I have had 2 very vivid nightmares. It has not been a pleasant experience.
The first dream ended with my daughter laying in the road next to a crashed semi truck. Her body was mangled and she was crying. Blood was coming out her mouth.
The second dream, I was flying a jet in a training area. This training area was filled with extremely tall ship sails with cables strewn through the sky, making the area extremely difficult to manuever at fast speeds. For some reason the jet wouldn't climb beyond the reach of the obstacles, and in attempting to avoid the obstacles, I crashed. The part that should've told me right away that this was a dream was the fact that the jet hit the concrete nose first and exploded, but I was only thrown about 6 feet from the impact point and landed on my back with out a scratch. I had to then go explain to my Commander and First Sergeant that I had just crashed a multi million dollar aircraft. I was demoted on the spot.
I am attempting to determine the significance of these dreams as well as debunk them in order to dispel the effect that they will have on me today and later on.
Dream 1: In order to deal with the effect of this, I immediately called Lucia so I could hear proof that she was ok. This worked pretty well. I think this indicates something about my inability to be there for her and protect her, but it may also indicate that I have a fear that me being responsible for her could end disasterously. In which case, I need to spend more time with her and build my confidence in my ability to care for my own child.
Dream 2: I don't know why my brain selected jets as the craft of choice for this dream. I am considering becoming a helicopter pilot, which may have been a factor that helped to trigger the stress. My reaction to getting demoted was what stirred me awake. I think that means that not only do I have a fear of losing what I have worked for, but it also means that I have an inkling that I might lose it for a reason that is not completely my fault. Afterall, who the fuck would let an untrained person fly a jet through an airspace cluttered with obstacles like that? Moreover, who would allow that kind of area, littered with gigantic ship sails and cables of all things (I haven't figured out what the fuck that means or how they got there yet), to be used as a training area for jets? As for being demoted, when my First Sergeant started to insist that I take my rank off, I noticed that I was in a PT uniform. Why would I be flying an aircraft in PTs? Stupid dreams.
Diagnosis: I need to get home. I need to talk to a shrink. I am overdue for a tune up.